


Fake It

by celeste9



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Age Difference, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Awkward Boners, Dancing, Extra Treat, First Kiss, Future Fic, M/M, Minor Jessika Pava/Rey, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-06 09:52:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12814983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celeste9/pseuds/celeste9
Summary: In the aftermath of the defeat of the First Order, a large, public wedding between two popular war heroes seems like the perfect distraction, an excuse for the galaxy to celebrate. Poe agrees out of a sense of duty, Luke of guilt.Poe just hadn't counted on how difficult it would be to marry his childhood crush for show.





	Fake It

**Author's Note:**

  * For [TheKinkAwakens (thekinkawakens)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekinkawakens/gifts).



> This was meant to be a quick treat, it kind of got out of control. Hope you enjoy! I included a couple of your other requested ships in the background, Rey/Jess and Finn/Lando.

“I’m confused,” Poe said.

Leia watched him impassively across the desk. “Go on, Dameron.”

“I just… You want me to marry your brother? For the galaxy?”

Sighing, Leia explained once more. “You’re not stupid, Poe. Think about it. A union between the Jedi and the military, between heroes of the war. My brother has been in wide favor since the fall of the Empire, and you’re a handsome, dashing officer, whose parents served. A public spectacle, a distraction, if you will, and a reason to celebrate. We could all use a little of that, don’t you think? And…” Leia hesitated. “Luke and I feel it will be good for the galaxy to see the Jedi in another light, to see that the Jedi love just like they do.”

 _Except Luke will not be in love._ “I just feel like you could get all that from Rey and Jess, and they’re actually in love.” And already all over the holonet. The galaxy _adored_ them.

“Rey has asked to be kept out of the spotlight. I would like to respect her wishes.”

Poe would like that, too, but he wasn’t sure that was enough to make him agree to this. He could see what Leia was saying, but why him? “What does Commander Skywalker think?”

Leia’s expression gave nothing away. “He will go along with whatever choice you make.”

“That’s noble of him,” Poe muttered.

And faintly disheartening. If the tiny part of Poe that admitted his childhood crush on Luke Skywalker hadn’t entirely gone away had any sense of hope at all, the suggestion that Luke would ‘go along with whatever’ was probably enough to squash it.

“It’s a big decision, and not one to be made lightly. Poe, I know this is asking a lot of you and I won’t force you.” Leia stretched her hand over the top of her desk as though she wanted to touch him but then pulled her hand back, leaving it to rest just in front of her. “Honestly you’ve given enough to the Resistance and to the New Republic. I think you’re owed your own happiness. But this is an… idea we have discussed, and I said I would suggest it to you. But the choice is yours.”

Marry for the New Republic and willingly open his life to the galaxy, that was the choice she was laying in front of him. That or live as he wished.

Honestly it had been so long since Poe had lived as he wished, since before the war, maybe even since before he had joined the Navy, that Poe wasn’t sure what that even looked like. He wasn’t sure he remembered how to put himself first.

“You don’t have to answer immediately.”

“I’ll do it,” Poe said, and watched Leia, for the first time in all the time he had known her, be utterly at a loss for words.

-

“When I turned them down,” Rey said, a severe frown on her pretty face, “I didn’t know they’d go to you next.”

“I wasn’t exactly expecting it, either,” Poe said, focused on the power couplings inside the panel of his ship.

“You should have said no! It’s ridiculous! You’ve agreed to be their… their…”

“Puppet? An actor in their play?”

“Yes! To put yourself on display! And you’re not even… I mean, at least Jess and I wouldn’t have to pretend.” Rey sounded so sorrowful that it made Poe’s heart ache and he couldn’t look at her.

“Lots of people get married for reasons besides love,” he offered gently. “Don’t feel sorry for me. I’m the one who said yes.”

“Because you always say yes,” Rey said, her hand on his sleeve. “Don’t you think this one thing should be your own choice? Who you marry? Who you love?”

“When I was five I thought I might marry Luke,” Poe joked, though it was actually true. “So really, I’m making out pretty good here.”

“Poe,” Rey said, squeezing his arm. “Can’t you be serious about anything?”

Finally he made himself look at her. “It’s going to be fine, Rey, I promise. It really is. I’m touched you care. But I’ll be fine.”

She hugged him, knocking Poe off-balance a second because he was so surprised. “Master Luke is a good person,” she said into his neck. “You shouldn’t have said yes but… but… at least it’s someone good.”

“I’ll be fine,” Poe said again, and maybe that would even be true.

-

Leia hadn’t been kidding about making this wedding into a public spectacle.

Poe had never been that interested in the idea of a grand wedding; he had always assumed that the person he was marrying would be enough, that he wouldn’t need anything fancy or elaborate. This was… Well, calling it fancy and elaborate was almost an understatement.

“I don’t even know who half these people are,” Poe said, flicking through the guest list on his datapad. “I guess they’re important?”

“Looks like a lot of politicians and royalty,” Finn mused from over Poe’s shoulder. “From various planets. Plus military.”

“I recognize those names. I hope there’s room for my dad with all these strangers.”

“He’s on here, look, he’s--”

“It was a joke.”

“Right.” Finn looked at Poe, alarmingly close to the pitying way Rey looked at him most of the time now. “I know you’re, like, all about duty, but this is crazy. You can still call it off.”

“And what, say we don’t love each other anymore? We’re breaking off the engagement?”

“Poe, I’m being serious.”

“So am I. I already said yes, Finn. Too late to change my mind now.”

“Have you even talked to Commander Skywalker yet?”

Poe kept his eyes firmly on the datapad. “Not since I said yes.”

“Kriff, Poe. You’re agreeing to spend your life with him. Maybe you should say hello once in a while, or ask him to lunch.”

“He’s busy.” Honestly Poe had felt too awkward. What do you say to someone you’ve agreed to marry for show? ‘Hey, Commander, my dad says you used to change my diapers but I guess we’re gonna be husbands now’? Ugh. Maybe he could even mention that Luke had been almost solely responsible for Poe’s realization that he was attracted to guys, that would probably go over great.

“He’s busy,” Finn repeated, unimpressed. “Pretty sure he’ll make time for the guy he’s marrying.”

 _I’m marrying Luke Skywalker as a publicity stunt,_ Poe thought, and suddenly it felt like his insides were caving in, like a hole was growing and growing, and he felt nauseous. “Fuck,” he said. “What the fuck am I doing?”

He dropped his head onto the table, groaning, and Finn rubbed his back soothingly, not saying a word.

-

Luke made time for Poe without Poe asking him to. He looked so blasted calm, and Poe knew he should have been reassured but instead he was kind of irritated. They were getting married like it was a game and Luke couldn’t even look like he had feelings about it?

“Honestly,” he said, gaze carefully focused on Poe, “we were surprised you said yes.”

“I always say yes,” Poe muttered.

“My sister said that, too. But still. It’s a lot to ask of you.”

“But not of you?”

“I’m old, Poe. I’ve lived my life. Seems like I’m getting a pretty good bargain out of this, frankly.”

Poe snorted a surprised laugh. “Seriously?”

Luke was half-smiling. “I imagine half the galaxy will be extremely jealous that I’ve taken you off the market.”

“If they had sense they’d be jealous of me.” Kriff. Why had he said that out loud?

Luke seemed to take little notice of it. “I can imagine your mother would shout at me. She had such hopes for you, having found such love herself. That’s what she wanted for you.”

“My mother made sacrifices. I don’t think she ever wanted me to make any.”

“Of course not. She loved you.”

Poe blinked, his eyes stinging. “There were only two things I ever wanted for my wedding. For it to be with someone I loved, and for my parents to be there. So I guess it was bound to be druk all along. She can never be there.”

“Not where you can see her,” Luke prompted gently. “But all beings can be found in the Force.”

It was a comforting thought, and one that Poe had found solace in many times. It still wasn’t the same as being able to hold his mother, though.

“There is no need for you to abandon your first wish. Leia would understand if you changed your mind, and she would make everyone else understand.”

“Why did you agree?” Poe asked. “Everyone is so focused on me, but I’m not exactly marrying myself.”

“Like I said. I lived my life.”

“That’s not an answer.”

Luke was looking into the distance beyond Poe, his gaze far away. “I’ve made many mistakes, and the galaxy has suffered for it. I suppose this feels like recompense.”

“Great. You’re marrying me out of guilt. Just what every man likes to hear from his future husband.”

Now Luke’s gaze fixed on Poe. “It’s not about you. I would never have suggested you. You deserve better.”

 _And if I said I wanted you? Just… not like this?_ “You’re not the only one who wants to do the right thing. To do a little good.”

Though he looked as if he wanted to argue, Luke didn’t. Poe was grateful; he was certain it would only be a rehash of the same discussion he had had over and again, with Leia, with his father, with Rey, with Finn, with all his friends.

Instead, Luke said, “Please tell me if I can do anything for you, no matter what it is. This doesn’t have to be more painful than necessary.”

 _Painful,_ Poe thought, and felt sick again. “Sure.”

-

As the date grew near, Poe was forced to make what Leia referred to as public appearances, mostly with Luke by his side. Sometimes they just went out together, so people could see them, so they could get their faces plastered over the holonet. Sometimes they did interviews, faking smiles and happiness and making up stories. Luke would rest his hand on Poe’s thigh, squeezing, or rubbing his thumb over the muscle, and Poe would squash down all his inappropriate reactions and wishes. They had practiced it, how to behave, how to act. The interviewers and the cameras alike appreciated when Poe kissed Luke’s cheek, or Luke affectionately twisted his fingers through the hair at the nape of Poe’s neck.

They were getting good at faking, both of them. It was sort of appalling.

Theirs was a considerable romance, apparently, quiet and strong. The young pilot and the elder Jedi, fighting a war together and falling in love, saving each others’ lives. (Some of that was true, partially, though they had never waited by each others’ bedsides, standing vigil, tearfully clasping hands.) Poe sort of wished he could believe it.

It was dreadfully dishonest, and Poe hated lying. Leia said it was only a bit of show. Luke made disparaging remarks about politicians and Leia boxed his ears.

Most of all Poe hated that the first time he kissed Luke, it wasn’t real.

There were cameras, and a crowd. Their wedding was in a week and a half; they had just had their final clothes-fitting. The sun was out, and Luke was smiling, and sometimes Poe couldn’t tell if it was genuine or not. Someone in the crowd was teasing, and Poe had always taken too much as a challenge.

He caught Luke around the waist and he half-wanted to do it anyway; Luke was laughing into his mouth and it was quick and sweet and hell, Luke’s eyes were really ridiculously blue. Poe was flushed when he stood back and the crowd cheered; Luke’s smile was a little fainter and Poe’s was fake, fake, fake as he tried to remember how to be charming.

-

In Poe’s perfect dreams, he would have been married on Yavin 4, on the ranch where he grew up, beneath the Force tree. In reality, he was going to be married on Shili, in the current seat of the New Republic.

His father arrived a week before the wedding, and Poe was embarrassingly grateful. A bit of normalcy to hold onto, a comforting presence, and the one piece of his dream that could actually take place. His father in the crowd, to watch him say his vows.

“So you’re still going through with this, I guess,” he said, clasping Poe’s shoulder.

“If I weren’t, I would’ve told you already and saved you the trip.”

“When you went to the Resistance,” Kes said, painfully earnest, “the only thing that got me through was knowing that when it was over, you could find a boy you loved and have a happy life. Honestly, I was kind of hoping it might be Finn, but I guess that went out the window.”

“I can’t really pull off a cape,” Poe said ruefully.

The joke passed Kes over with no impact. “But this, Poe… All your mom and I ever wanted for you was a good life. An arranged marriage? Because you think it’s the right thing to do for everyone else? That’s not the life we pictured.”

“I know you’re worried, Dad, but you don’t have to be. I’m not exactly chaining myself to Grakkus the Hutt or something.”

“But you are closing yourself off from the chance to find a man you truly love.”

Poe leaned in and hugged his father, holding him close. “Would it make you feel better,” he said quietly, “if I told you that I’ve been half in love with Luke Skywalker since I was five?”

His father drew back, considering. “It depends. Does Luke know that? Does he love you, too?”

Poe worried at his lip and shook his head.

Sighing, Kes stroked his hand over the back of Poe’s head. “Oh, Poe.”

“It’ll be okay, Dad. Promise. I don’t need much; I’ll have my flying, and Luke’s a good guy. We’ll… we’ll figure it out.”

“Your mother was the real optimist, not me.”

“I’ll be okay,” Poe said, because if he said it enough times, he was certain it had to be true.

-

“I’m sorry, what?” Poe asked, blinking at the sudden influx of people into his quarters.

“If I can do one blasted thing for you before you go through with this entirely idiotic decision,” Karé said, “it will be getting you completely smashed. It’s my prerogative and all.”

“It is?”

Karé took Poe’s elbow, linking their arms. “As your best friend.”

“Are you my best friend?”

“I fought her for the honor,” Finn said, grinning, “but she claimed seniority.”

“Some of us knew better than to protest,” Iolo said, leaning up against the wall, arms crossed. “Not that I would have. Fuck you, Dameron, pretending you were single and banging Luke Skywalker the whole time. I’m appalled.”

Poe made a rude gesture in Iolo’s direction that made him laugh.

“Your betrothed is out getting hammered with Colonel Antilles, General Calrissian, and your dad, so it’s only fair. I scoped it out; there’s actually a few good clubs around here.”

“I don’t really think--” Poe started, but Karé was dragging him to the door. “Seriously, guys, come on.”

In the hall they met Rey, Snap, and Jess; Jess grabbed his other arm. “Excellent! We’re going!”

Poe sighed.

-

It was maybe good, though, the night out. He was getting married in _two days._ To _Luke Skywalker._

“Can I have a--”

Finn slid another beer towards him.

“Thanks,” Poe said into the rim of the bottle.

“Kriff, this is depressing,” Karé said and tugged Poe off his stool. “You love dancing, come on.”

“I don’t really feel like it,” Poe tried saying but Karé already had him in the middle of the floor, her hands on his hips like she could forcibly get him to the sway to the beat. Jess and Rey were giggling and dancing already; Rey gave him an encouraging smile that very clearly said, ‘have fun or else’.

Poe gave in, half-heartedly moving in time with Karé.

She said, “You don’t look like a man who’s ready for his wedding.”

“Is any man, really?”

“If he’s actually in love, yeah. Maybe not so much when he’s agreed to be a political offering.”

“Now I’ve realized I’m a sacrifice for the galaxy’s happiness, thanks, pal.”

“Hey, you agreed to be the sacrifice.”

“I know,” Poe said, and watched Jess and Rey from over Karé’s shoulder. They looked so… happy, laughing, casually pressing close, and Poe realized he was never going to have that. No one was ever going to look at him the way they were looking at each other, and he was going to spend his life married to his childhood crush without ever really having him.

“This is the saddest bachelor party ever.” Karé chewed at her lip. “You want me to be your wing-man? I mean, I guess you won’t…” She trailed off into awkward silence.

“I’m not really up to it,” Poe said. “But thanks.”

She nodded and then flung her arms around him in the middle of the dance floor. “You’re a fucking idiot and you should never have said yes and I love you.”

“Love you, too,” Poe said into her hair, and thought that maybe she was right.

-

The night before the wedding, they had a dinner in a hall in the Senate building. There were holocams everywhere and Poe walked arm in arm with Luke, fake smile plastered on his face when inside he felt ill. The heat from Luke’s body burned through Poe and he was so tired, tired of pretending, and it had hardly even begun yet.

They weren’t even married and he was so weary of the charade.

He should have said no.

But there was a crowd outside the doors, happy, waving and shouting, like Poe and Luke were celebrities or something, and Poe realized that this was actually doing exactly what Leia had said it would.

Giving the galaxy something to celebrate in the wake of all that had been lost.

Poe could never have said no.

“Bet sometimes you wish you’d stayed on Ahch-To,” Poe muttered to Luke as the holocams zoomed in on their faces, and the resulting flash of humor in Luke’s bright blue eyes was real.

“The porgs were easier company,” Luke agreed, and Poe stifled a laugh.

It was easier inside. They let their arms slide apart and were free to be more natural. Many of the guests understood that it was an arrangement more of politics than of love, and the ones who didn’t at least didn’t expect Poe and Luke to be handsy all evening.

After dessert Poe left Luke with Lando and escaped to the balcony; it was a calm, mild evening and Poe enjoyed looking at the stars. He wondered how it would be, after; they hadn’t actually discussed it. Poe was keeping his position in the Navy, obviously, but he honestly had no idea what that would mean. Would they try to shove him behind a desk? Was Luke going to try again, training a new generation of Jedi? How much would they actually see of each other?

Would Poe never have the family he had dreamed of?

“I won’t insult you by telling you this is your last chance to back out.”

Poe closed his eyes a moment, gripping the railing. “Thank you, General.”

Dress rustling as she moved, Leia came to stand beside him, looking up at the same stars. “They never tell you how hard it is, after you’ve won. How much work there is. How many difficult decisions you have to make that will shape the futures of so many beings.”

“I suppose not. Seems like, well, you’ve won. You’ve done the hard part.”

“When really it’s only just beginning.” Leia’s white dress shimmered in the light of the moon. “I wish you had said no.”

“Why?”

“Because you’ve done enough for me, Poe Dameron. I want you to retire to a ranch on Yavin Four, like your parents had the sense to.” She smiled faintly. “Luke had a hand in that, you know. So did Han.”

“My father told me. He said he always hoped they knew how grateful he was.”

“Seems a bit unfair, doesn’t it? All of this, now.”

Poe chipped at a bit of rust on the railing with his fingernail. “The way everyone keeps talking, you’d think I was being sent off to my execution.”

Leia laughed. “Well, I don’t think being married to my brother will be quite that bad, that’s true. You have to forgive us. We’re old; we like to see the young live the lives we thought we would have ourselves. Your parents were so happy; it seems a terrible crime to take that possibility from you.”

“Maybe I could love him,” Poe found himself saying, and froze, feeling the weight of Leia’s stare on the side of his face. “I mean, I’m just saying. People can find love, can’t they?”

“Of course.” But Leia’s gaze felt too shrewd and Poe thought he had given too much away.

But then, what did it matter? So what if Leia knew Poe had a crush on her brother? What difference did it make?

“Poe, my brother… You didn’t know him, when he was young. Not truly; how could you? You were only a child. But he was so… hopeful, and filled with love and compassion; he was so, so good.” She was smiling again, a little. “You’re a bit like him, really, so cheerful, so optimistic, always wanting to believe the best of people. But sometimes, well, sometimes life doesn’t go the way you expect, and it’s hard to hold onto that hope. What happened to… to Ben, that broke Luke a little, and he’s never been the same. He holds himself accountable. And I don’t want… He is still my brother, my wonderful, loving, amazingly good brother, but I don’t know that he will ever allow himself what you’re thinking of.”

 _He will never love you,_ was all Poe could hear, and he didn’t think that was precisely what Leia meant, yet it was all he could focus on. _He will never love you._

“I’m not foolish, or naïve,” Poe said, his eyes on the night sky again, thinking of how it felt to be up there, so free and unencumbered. “He told me his decision to do this was driven by guilt. And that he’s sorry I got caught up in it. So… Don’t worry, General. I know what I’ve agreed to.”

“I think I realize, now, too,” Leia said, so weary. “I wish you’d said no.”

“But I didn’t,” Poe said, and went back inside.

-

They couldn’t have asked for a more beautiful day for Poe’s marriage to Luke. Blue sky, bright sun, pleasantly warm. Shame, really, that the wedding was inside.

“Damn,” Finn said, whistling. “You look hot as hell. If Luke doesn’t notice, he’s dead.”

Poe fussed with his hair in the mirror. He was wearing his Navy dress uniform because the whole thing was a show, so the emphasis on his military position fit the charade. It had been refitted but it was still as itchy and stiff as ever. “Even if he does, pretty sure he’s got Jedi training to hide it. And, you know, to not act on it.”

“Thought half the point of this was to prove that Jedi are just like the rest of us.”

“Yeah, in public.”

Finn’s reflection was frowning. “You’re really not going to… I mean…”

“Fucking wasn’t part of the agreement, if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Poe, that’s crazy. You can’t be expected to--”

“To what, control myself? Not all of us have sexy boyfriends, Finn. I haven’t gotten laid in a truly embarrassing amount of time. This’ll feel normal.”

“You make everything into a kriffing joke, like it isn’t serious, like this isn’t your life, like--”

Poe spun around. “I know it’s my life! I’m marrying Luke Skywalker and he’ll never fucking love me! I know it! He knows it! So just… let me have my sarcasm, okay?” He breathed in, then out, while Finn stared at him. “Is it time to go yet? Come on, let’s just go.”

“Okay, Poe,” Finn said quietly, and followed him out of the room.

Luke was waiting outside the hall for him, so they could proceed inside. Poe’s breath absolutely did not catch at the sight of him, because this wasn’t real, it was a game, and Poe wasn’t in love. Finn squeezed his wrist and ducked inside, finding his spot beside Jess and Rey and Lando, in a comforting section of the audience where the people Poe actually knew and cared about were sitting.

The orchestra looped back to the start of the song that was meant to accompany them as they walked. “Do you need a minute?” Luke asked, that supreme calm radiating off of him.

“Let’s do it,” Poe mumbled, and they walked in together.

The smell of flowers in the hall was so overwhelmingly sweet that Poe was nauseated. He found his father in the crowd and locked eyes until he passed, telling himself that everything was fine, it would all be okay, because his dad was here, just like Poe had wanted.

He remembered Luke’s quiet words, that all beings could be found in the Force, and as he stood before the officiant he thought of his mother, her warm touch and her joyful laugh, and thought, _I’ll be happy, mama, like you wanted._

Luke’s presence was a steady weight beside him and it almost felt like a dream because, fuck, this couldn’t actually be real, could it? He couldn’t actually be getting married to Luke Skywalker in front of a sea of faces, most of whom he barely knew (if he’d even ever seen them before), with holocams recording the whole thing to broadcast all over the holonet.

But then he was holding his hand out for Luke to slide a ringer onto his finger, he was mumbling an affirmation of his vows, his hand was shaking as he took the other ring and fit it onto Luke’s finger.

“Breathe,” Luke was saying, softly so no one else could hear.

For one singular moment, as they kissed, it felt normal. With his eyes closed, it felt real. Poe could love this man, and Luke could love him, and –  

But the sea of faces Poe mostly didn’t know was erupting into whistles and clapping and cheers, and the moment broke. Luke was watching him with those vivid, calm blue eyes, and Poe was married.

And Luke would never love him.

-

Luke Skywalker was a terrible dancer. Poe wasn’t sure why he found that so charming.

“I feel like you should be better at this,” Poe said after Luke had stepped on his toes for the third time.

“The Force doesn’t magically make you good at everything,” Luke grumbled, eyes dropping down to look at where his feet were going. “Leia tried to teach me so many times. Hopeless.”

Poe smiled to himself, thinking of it, Luke and Leia so young. They had been younger than his parents, even, during the Rebellion. Rey’s age, really. Crazy.

“I think probably we can sit down soon,” Poe said. “They’ve had their photo opportunities, plenty of them.”

“Is that what you want to do?”

“Honestly I assumed you’re hating this right now.”

“You’re the one whose toes are getting abused.”

“Yeah, but…” Poe shrugged. “It’s kind of nice. Feels normal. I like dancing.”

“Maybe you’d like a new partner, then,” Leia said, sweeping in. “If I can steal my brother?”

“If you’re thinking I’ve improved, I haven’t,” Luke warned her.

Leia smiled. “One more attempt to teach you. For old times’ sake.”

Poe stepped back and watched them, so easy in each others’ company. He had never had a sibling and hadn’t truly missed it; he had loved his parents and he’d had no lack of children around his own age to play with. But he wondered sometimes what it would be like to have someone so close to you, someone who knew you at your best and worst, who would always love you.

Luke trod on Leia’s toes and Poe turned away, laughing. He nearly bumped into Rey and Jess, who happily swept him up into their rhythm-less dance, twirling and spinning with him until he felt breathless and dizzy.

He left when the band started a slower song, this time literally colliding with Karé. “Blast, sorry,” he said, noticing Snap raise his glass in a mocking salute. Poe made a rude gesture in his direction before realizing that with the amount of holocams around – most of them specially attuned to him and Luke – he probably shouldn’t do things like that.

“Damn, Dameron, I was gonna offer you a drink but maybe you’ve had enough,” Karé said.

“I haven’t, actually, have you got one?”

She smirked and gestured for him to wait. She returned shortly with four shots of something violently colorful that Poe thought better of asking for the identification of; instead he took two and shared them with her, tipping one back, and then the other.

“Stars,” he said, getting rid of the glasses. “I think I can feel it burning down my esophagus.”

The alcohol went straight to his head and he felt lighter, somehow, like for a while he could pretend this was just a fun party. He danced with Karé before getting passed off to Kaydel Ko Connix, who then spun him off to Iolo.

Eventually he excused himself, finding an empty table; he had to make polite, vaguely drunken (but hopefully not in a noticeable way) conversation with four virtual strangers before he got to sit down with a glass of something bubbly that he thought might have been Chandrilan. He watched the crowd, finding Luke laughing across the room with Colonel Antilles, Finn dancing with General Calrissian.

It was a good party, at least, he thought. Poe wasn’t entirely certain who had even planned it, because it definitely hadn’t been him or Luke, but it was a good party. He had no idea what was going to happen now but that was something, anyway.

He was spinning the ring on his finger when his father sat down beside him.

“Almost thought you were enjoying yourself for a minute out there, Poe,” he said.

“Kinda was.”

Kes patted his knee. “Good. Thought you might faint on the way down the aisle, you were so pale.”

“Well, it’s done now.”

“Yeah.” Kes hesitated. “Promise me you’ll try to be happy.”

“I always try.”

“I’m serious. Promise me.”

Poe looked over at Luke, and their eyes met for a moment. Luke smiled at him, not a smile for show, a real one, for Poe. A little bit sad, a little bit encouraging.

“Okay, Dad,” Poe said. “I promise.”

-

The party wound down. Most of the remaining guests were Poe’s actual friends, the majority of whom had abandoned the dance floor for quiet conversation. Finn and Lando were still swaying together, and Rey had found her way into Jess’ lap, looking half-asleep.

Poe was distantly jealous, in the way of a person who found it unlikely he would ever have that sort of easy, affectionate comfort.

Luke was sitting one table over with his sister, his eyes continually darting over to Poe. Poe stood up, thinking it had to be time.

He smiled at his dad, clasping the top of his shoulder. “I’m drained, I think I’d better collect my husband and get out of here.”

Kes’ complicated expression eased into acceptance. “Sure, Poe. I’ll see you in the morning.”

He didn’t think it mattered so much anymore, the show mostly being over, but still overly conscious of the image he was meant to be projecting, Poe leaned in close to Luke to speak to him, their faces nearly pressed together, his breath on Luke’s skin, his hands on Luke’s arms. “Shall we retire?”

“If you like,” Luke agreed, squeezing Poe’s hand and then letting Poe pull him up.

They slid their arms around each others’ waists and said goodbye to the room. No one made wedding night jokes or anything, because nearly everyone knew it was a sham.

Poe really was tired, and a little bit drunk. He wanted desperately to be able to lean into Luke as they walked but he didn’t quite dare.

They had a room for the night above the reception hall, an expensive suite that Leia had claimed was paid for by their war service. It was opulent in a way that Poe had rarely witnessed, a tub he and Luke could both have fit in, a balcony overlooking the city, a huge bed with soft pillows and a couch that was honestly as big as Poe’s bunk on their last base.

It was clearly a room meant for a genuine couple, the kind of room Poe would have luxuriated in had this been a true relationship, one born of love. It was a generous gift for a couple just married.

They could probably have shared the bed without ever even noticing the other guy was in there.

“I can take the couch,” Poe said.

He wasn’t sure if he was glad or not that Luke didn’t argue.

-

Poe awoke early in the morning, the sun just peeking in through the drapes. The cold metal of the ring felt oddly noticeable on his finger.

He was married.

He still hadn’t gotten laid in a truly embarrassing amount of time.

There was something deeply unfair about this.

Poe rolled over and saw Luke sitting cross-legged on the floor, eyes closed, radiating peace and calm. Meditating, probably. He wondered if it helped; it must.

“You’re awake,” Luke said into the quiet. “Sorry if it’s because of me.”

“Yes, you were thinking so kriffing loudly. Woke me up. Incredibly inconsiderate.”

Luke’s lips quirked and he opened his eyes. “How did you sleep?”

“Great, actually,” Poe said, sitting up and stretching. “Most of the beds I’ve slept in have been less comfortable than this couch.”

“I’m glad. Though I think you should get the bed tonight. It’s only fair.”

“But--”

“Poe, I’m old, but I’m not dead. My back can survive a couch.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Poe said, feeling silly, though it had been mostly what he meant. It seemed rude to take the bed and make Luke sleep on a couch. “Maybe we could share,” he suggested in a moment of rash bravery. “Since we’re married.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“What? We _are_ married.”

“But you don’t have to--”

“Fuck you?” Poe’s cheeks were burning. “Pretty sure I was only suggesting sleep.”

Luke sighed, getting slowly to his feet. “I think we have a lot to discuss.”

“Maybe after I have some caf,” Poe said, swinging his feet out onto the floor and rubbing his hands through his hair. He felt Luke’s gaze on him and was suddenly self-conscious about having slept in his underwear only.

Silly. It wasn’t like he hadn’t spent years living in barracks, where he had no privacy at all.

“I should have told you last night,” Luke offered softly as Poe stood. “You looked incredibly handsome. I’m sure I was a shabby horror next to you.”

Poe blinked at him. “Are you crazy?”

“Some think so?”

Shaking his head, Poe said, “No, I mean… Okay, you know how many kids grew up with your face pinned to their bedroom walls? And not just because you were a badass pilot-Jedi.”

Luke was blushing and it was ridiculously charming. “A lot of years have passed since then.”

“And I’d still put your face on my bedroom wall,” Poe said, as much as he dared to say, and went into the tiny kitchen to make some caf.

-

They never actually had that conversation until the evening. Poe spent the day with his father and his friends, ignoring the way everyone looked at him like he had signed his life away. Honestly, it wasn’t so bad. How many people actually got to have a perfect love that turned out exactly the way they had expected? He figured he was entering into a partnership with someone he respected and admired, so that was pretty good.

If he had to spend his nights dreaming of fucking Luke instead of actually fucking him, well, that was still better than a lot of people got.

The holonews was a soft hum in the background and Poe had opened the window to feel the breeze. He noticed Luke deliberately switch to another broadcast to avoid coverage of the wedding. “What are we going to do?” he asked.

“I think we’ve got a trip planned, to start,” Luke said, and maybe he wanted to have this conversation about as much as Poe did.

But it was a conversation they needed to have, and Poe was fairly sure they both knew it.

“After that. How are we going to do this? How is it going to work?”

“Honestly? I don’t know, Poe. I suppose not much has to change in the day-to-day, just… We’ll live together. We’ll have to make appearances together, now and again. But… We can have separate bedrooms. Separate lives, as much as we’re able. Like, er, like roommates, I guess.”

 _Roommates,_ Poe thought, the wedding ring a pressing weight around his finger. “And that’s it? As simple as that?”

“I’m not sure it’s simple. But this isn’t a real marriage; we both know that. You’re staying in the Navy, yes? I imagine we won’t see much of each other.”

It seemed so sad to hear Luke put it into words. Their marriage was a sham and they only needed to maintain the illusion.

“But don’t you think…” Poe stopped and tried to gather his thoughts, except he didn’t know how to say it. “Don’t you think people can care? Can grow to care? If they try?”

Luke’s expression softened and he was looking at Poe as though Poe were very, very young. “I hope you don’t think I don’t care about you, Poe. I do, a good deal.”

But that wasn’t what Poe had meant and it felt like cold water was trickling down his spine to realize Luke found the concept of loving him so ridiculous that the idea wasn’t even occurring to him.

“Okay,” Poe said, and his shoulders sagged.

The touch of Luke’s hand was so tentative, fingers just brushing his wrist. “I hope you won’t be unhappy.”

“No,” Poe said, and made himself smile. “No, I won’t be. Never am.”

It was what everyone thought, wasn’t it? Poe Dameron, eternally cheerful and optimistic.

He could do it for Luke.

-

Everyone had agreed that after the wedding, Luke and Poe should take a holiday together. Perfect opportunity to share their wedded bliss with the galaxy, a holiday on some beautiful Core planet where the photo opportunities would be endless.

Naboo, Luke and Leia had decided. Where their mother had been queen, decades ago. The media would love it.

Poe had never been. He supposed he should be grateful; it had always looked lovely in holos.

He hadn’t had a real vacation in years. Maybe this would be good.

“I expect it’s very romantic there,” Rey said, uncertainty in her voice.

“I expect so,” Poe agreed, shoving another pair of pants into his bag.

“Jess says maybe--”

“Maybe what? We’ll stand in front of a waterfall while the sun’s setting and fall in love for real? Jess watches too many romance holos.”

Rey worried at her lip and Poe felt guilty. He shoved his clothes down into the bag to make room.

“Maybe you just need to get away,” Finn suggested. “The two of you. To work it out.”

“To work what out? That we’re in a fake marriage that neither of us would have chosen? Think we’ve got that covered.”

“You won’t make an effort! You don’t know what could happen!”

“He doesn’t think of me like that!” Poe said, aware that he was being far too loud. “He looks at me like I’m a dumb kid who got forced into this and he looks at me like I make him feel guilty, because it’s his fault this happened.”

Though he wasn’t looking at them, Poe knew that Finn and Rey were looking at each other, doing that freaky silent communication thing they did.

“Poe,” Rey said, very carefully. “When you said you wanted to marry Luke Skywalker when you were five, that wasn’t a joke, was it? And it… um… it didn’t go away? Are you actually in love with Master Luke?”

Poe sat down and put his head in his hands so he wouldn’t have to look at either of them. “I don’t know,” he moaned. “I don’t think it can be real. Can it? I mean, you can’t actually love someone you’re not in an actual relationship with, can you?”

“But you did have a relationship with him,” Finn said, sitting beside Poe, resting his hand tentatively on Poe’s spine. “Just not a… sexy one. Romantic one. You know what I mean.”

“He married me out of guilt.”

“And you married him out of duty,” Rey pointed out.

“What does that matter?”

“It matters because it doesn’t mean you don’t care about him. Master Luke could still care about you, too.”

Poe lowered his hands but kept his gaze directed at his own knees. “He does care. But not like that.”

“And I’m sure he would never hide anything from you, just like you would never hide anything from him.”

“Sarcasm is beneath you,” Poe said, and Rey snorted.

“All we’re saying is,” Finn broke in, “that you’re about to have the sort of holiday any newly married couple would dream of, so maybe don’t eliminate the possibility that you could enjoy it.”

“Don’t give me false hope,” Poe said, but he could already feel a kernel of want growing inside him.

He wanted _so badly._

-

“Kriffing hell,” Poe breathed out as their transport alighted over the capital city of Theed. The river and waterfalls gave off the illusion that the city itself was floating, instilling this sense of awe in Poe. He wondered what his mother had thought, when she’d been here long ago with Leia.

“The first time I saw Naboo was quite a shock,” Luke offered. “I’d seen many planets by then but I don’t think I ever stopped being that farm boy from Tatooine. I must have looked like a real Nerf herder, my eyes were so big.”

Poe could imagine, but he found the image endearing, actually. “It’s truly beautiful. I mean, I’m partial to Yavin myself but this is… stunning.”

He understood why Naboo was considered such a center of culture and the arts. He knew little about architecture but he could appreciate beauty when he saw it; he loved the way the buildings bled into the natural landscape so harmoniously, the stone columns and domes and the green, green fields.

“There’s our welcoming party,” Luke said as he and Poe stepped out of the back of the transport into the spaceport, confronted with a group of impeccably dressed palace officials, going off their uniforms, as well as a handful of journalists with holorecorders.

Luke’s hand settled lightly at the small of Poe’s back and Poe reminded himself not to flinch, to look natural. He made himself smile for the cameras.

“Master Skywalker,” one man said with a deep bow. “It has been too long.”

“It has,” Luke said, and clasped his hand. Gesturing to Poe, he said, “My husband--”

“Commander Dameron,” the man interjected, “of course. Please, if you’ll come with us to the palace, Queen Luna is looking forward to meeting with you.”

“Now I’m meeting with royalty,” Poe said. “You’re making me fancier by association.”

“You’ve been meeting with royalty for years,” Luke pointed out, laughter in his eyes. “Or did you forget about my sister?”

“Fair enough,” Poe said, and hopped into the speeder after Luke.

-

It really wasn’t anything like Leia.

It wasn’t that Leia wasn’t regal; she oozed it. But Poe had sat long nights with her plotting strategy, had watched her face turn hard and stoic so no one could see her true pain, had brought her meals when she forgot to eat and caf when she looked like she was dead on her feet. He had stood beside her when she said goodbye to her husband and he had watched her shake and fall into her brother’s arms when her son failed to come home for the final time.

Leia was royalty but Poe knew her as the general; he knew her as the woman for whom his respect, admiration, and love were outweighed only by that for his mother.

So meeting with Queen Luna, a tiny girl in an elaborate dress, her face covered in paint, having dinner with her in a giant hall where servants brought and removed his plates, felt very, very different.

Poe and Luke were actually staying in the palace for the duration of their trip; Queen Luna had had a suite on the upper level prepared for them. Luke seemed unsurprised, though Poe was boggled; he supposed Luke must have known already but hadn’t thought to mention it.

When they retired after dinner, a young man Poe supposed must be part of the queen’s staff explained that their luggage had already been brought up. He offered to give them a tour but Luke declined, protesting weariness and claiming he remembered his way around well enough. Poe wouldn’t have minded but he deferred to Luke.

The suite was kriffing insane. If the room they’d stayed in after their wedding had been nice, this was… well, beyond nice. Poe pulled the curtains back on the floor to ceiling windows that lined the sitting room – an actual sitting room in their kriffing suite – and gaped at the view. Even at night the waterfalls were astoundingly gorgeous and the lights of the city twinkled in the darkness.

“He was handsome,” Luke remarked. “The boy downstairs.”

“Was he? I didn’t notice.”

Luke was quiet for a few moments and then he said, “There’s no need for you to deny yourself. Take a lover, if you want. Take several. Just be… discreet. If we ruin the illusion it will all have been for nothing.”

“Take a lover?” Poe repeated, turning away from the windows so he could see Luke’s face. “Be discreet?”

“I don’t expect you to adopt total abstinence because you’ve had the misfortune of chaining yourself to me. You’re a young man still.”

“And what about you? Don’t you deserve something, too?”

Shrugging, Luke said, “I’ve lived a good deal of my life without. I have my meditation.”

Poe scoffed. “Kriff, seriously? You could at least tell me you masturbate like the rest of us.”

Luke’s lips twitched. “Well, that, too.”

“Commander-- Luke, it isn’t a misfortune to be married to you, and I don’t consider you a chain. I don’t need… lovers.”

“I’m being practical, Poe. I think you should be, too.”

 _He will never love you,_ Poe remembered. Hell, Luke wasn’t even interested in fucking him, let alone loving him.

So much for figuring things out while they were alone, or for Luke hiding things. The only thing he’d been hiding was exactly the extent to which he didn’t want to be married to Poe.

“You said you were tired,” Poe said. “Go to sleep. I’ll stay out here.”

Luke hesitated. “The bed--”

“I’ll be awake a while. It’s better if you take the bed. Just being practical.”

Luke flinched, like Poe had slapped him. “Whatever you want.” He went into the bedroom.

Poe opened the glass door to the balcony and sat up on the ledge, feet hanging down as he watched the water course down, a cool breeze on his skin, for a long time before he finally went back inside.

-

It was a holiday, so Poe slept in. It wasn’t like Luke would miss his company, clearly.

The sun was high in the sky by the time he arose. This couch had been even better than the one from his wedding night, impossible as it seemed. Shame he didn’t have anyone to make out on it with.

He was alone in the suite so he showered, enjoying the seemingly endless supply of hot water and the truly amazing water pressure, before going in search of caf. There was a fresh pot, keeping warm on the heat, with a note from Luke indicating that he was with the queen and that he hoped Poe had slept well. It felt like an apology.

Poe drank his caf out on the balcony, sending a holo of the view to Finn and Karé, figuring that was enough to get it spread around to all his friends. Afterwards he decided to have a wander around the palace.

He got a bit lost somewhere between the gardens and the banquet hall, but eventually found his way into a large library, shelves and shelves filled with holobooks and various methods of electronic data storage, and sumptuous chairs and couches where one could recline with their chosen material.

He found Luke there, too.

A shimmering image of a woman dressed like Queen Luna hung in the air before Luke, in heavy ceremonial attire complete with headdress. Then the image shifted, revealing an attractive woman with the same features but without the heavy make-up that was standard to Naboo’s queens.

“Is that your mother?” Poe asked, too entranced for finesse.

Luke’s gaze flickered to Poe for a moment; if he was surprised at Poe’s sudden appearance, he declined to mention it. “Yes. Padmé. Padmé Amidala.”

“She’s lovely.” Poe searched her face for traces of her children, finding more of Leia than Luke, but there was still something recognizable in the brightness of her eyes and the tilt of her head.

“She was.” Luke smiled fondly. “I see her sometimes.”

“The Force?”

Luke shrugged. “She was no Force user but I see her in my dreams sometimes anyway. They feel real to me.”

Poe was no expert and he certainly wasn’t about to tell Luke Skywalker he was imagining things. “She must have loved you a lot.”

“I like to think so.” Luke was looking at the image of Padmé but he seemed very far away. “Sometimes I wonder what sort of father I would have been. My own was… complicated. And I never knew my mother. But my aunt and uncle, they raised me with so much love. So I think… But then, I was so preoccupied with my goals for the Jedi, and then with my students, and it wouldn’t have been fair. Then Ben… So perhaps it was best. I suppose maybe I wouldn’t have been suited.”

“Any child would have been lucky to have you as their father,” Poe blurted without thinking. “I know the story, the true story, of what happened above Endor. You loved your father when no one else would, and you believed… you believed in Ben Solo for far longer than he deserved. None of that was your fault. My mother always told me how kind you were, and how good. Even Rey, Rey loves you, she adores you. A child would have been blessed to be loved by you.”

 _Kriff, shut up,_ Poe told himself, and dug his nails into his palms.

Luke was blinking and shaking his head. “I failed Ben,” he said quietly and then he raised his eyes to Poe. “If anyone should be a parent, it’s you. This isn’t fair to you.”

“I wanted a family,” Poe said, and it hurt to admit it. “But really all I wanted was love, in whatever way it was available to me.”

That was guilt, there on Luke’s face, and Poe knew what was coming. He knew Luke would lament yet again this marriage, that Poe should be here, because Luke didn’t love him and never would, and Poe shouldn’t have said yes.

Poe was tired of hearing it. “Think I’ll go for a walk,” he said before Luke could say a word. “I’ll see you later.”

-

The following afternoon they met with a Twi’lek journalist called Mika who wanted to do a feature on Poe and Luke, a bit of that publicity that Poe had known would be coming. He had grown more accustomed to the frequent holocams in his face but he was still struggling to get used to anyone caring about what he had to say.

They were in a field just outside Theed and Mika wanted them to just act naturally and be themselves, though Poe found that slightly harder than usual given the holorecorders. Luke had reclined in the grass and Poe had fought to think of what he would do if this were real, if Luke was his new husband whom he loved, and then he thought of what he _wanted_ to be able to do.

So he laid his head in Luke’s lap and after a hesitant moment that seemed painfully long to Poe, Luke dropped his hands down to play with Poe’s hair. Poe wanted to close his eyes and purr like a Loth-cat.

Mika loved it.

 It wasn’t so much an interview as a conversation; Poe honestly couldn’t fathom what she was going to create out of any of this.

“Have you ever wielded a lightsaber, Poe?” she was asking now.

“I guess it depends on what sort of lightsaber you mean,” he said, and then winced as Luke huffed a surprised laugh above him. “Oh, kriff, sorry, I shouldn’t have said that, right?”

“You absolutely should have and I’m definitely using that clip.”

Poe laughed quietly. “Okay, I’m fine with being the inappropriate one, I guess. But the actual answer is no. I’m not Force-sensitive, so it never really came up. And I’m honestly not trying to keep with the innuendo, here.”

Mika was looking at him like he was a particularly satisfactory gift. “Not even Luke’s? Never tempted?”

“I’m good with a blaster but blades and things aren’t exactly my area of expertise.” _Shit._

“Well, seems to me you’ve got the perfect teacher right here, most powerful Jedi alive.”

“I think you mean Rey,” Luke said. “She’s stronger than I ever was.”

“I’m sure the Emperor agrees.”

Luke’s smile tightened, but Poe didn’t think the journalist noticed. “I had help.”

Mika moved on. “Seriously though, I’d love a shot of Poe with the lightsaber, and Luke, you helping him.”

Poe glanced up at Luke. “I won’t lie, I’d kind of love that.” Maybe he was a pilot whose true love was flying, but few kids growing up in the wake of the defeat of the Empire hadn’t dreamed about having lightsaber duels like Luke Skywalker at least a time or two.

He couldn’t quite decipher Luke’s expression but eventually Luke just nodded and moved to unclip the saber from his belt, so Poe got up onto his feet. The moment Luke handed him his lightsaber felt important somehow, like a pure gesture of trust, and their fingers brushed when Poe accepted it.

He half-consciously attempted to emulate Rey in his stance, pressing on the button that would ignite the saber. It came alive in his hands, a surge of power that even he could recognize. Poe swung it experimentally, envisioning a stormtrooper ahead of him, picturing the blade slicing through the trooper’s armor.

Poe looked to Mika but she was standing back, clearly still intending on giving them space to ‘act naturally’, so he asked Luke, “Got any tips for me?”

“Loosen up your hips,” Luke said, standing behind Poe and startling him, his palms on Poe’s hip bones. “Think of it like dancing. You’re good at that.”

“So shouldn’t you be, too?” Poe teased, distracting himself from the weight of Luke’s body behind him, the touch of his hands.

“Funny.” He reached one hand around Poe, adjusting his grip on the hilt and guiding him in a slashing motion. “It’s an extension of your arm, so… yes, like that.”

Luke’s voice was too close; Poe could feel his breath on his ear. It was distracting and inappropriate, and Poe didn’t think this was entirely fair, teasing him in this way, taunting him with closeness he couldn’t have. All this blasted publicity, tempting him with the illusion of what he couldn’t actually have.

But part of him enjoyed it anyway, just a little.

“You guys are adorable,” Mika broke in, and Poe had almost forgotten they were being recorded. “Everyone’s gonna love this.”

Luke stepped back, and Poe pushed his hand through his hair, shutting off the lightsaber.

All of it was only a show.

-

“I think you’d enjoy it more if you took your clothes off,” Poe suggested, finding Luke in a natural pool in the palace gardens, standing in the shallows in his bare feet with his pants rolled up, gazing out into the distance.

Luke turned, blinking those bright blue eyes at Poe. “Words to live by?”

Laughing, Poe dropped his towel into the grass and started stripping, getting down to his underwear. “If you don’t mind, I’m gonna take my own advice.”

It took Luke a moment to react. “Sure. I mean, go ahead. Don’t let me stop you.”

“Wasn’t going to,” Poe said with a grin, stepping in and moving farther. At its deepest the water only reached about chest level, but Poe dunked his head under and came back up again, dripping. “Water’s great,” he said. “Warm.”

“Er.” Luke watched him, glanced around, and then looked back at Poe. “Maybe I’ll--”

“What, go? If I’m bothering you I should leave, honestly. You were here first.”

“Don’t be silly,” Luke said, hesitating a moment before sitting back a little onto the rocks, up to his ankles in the water. He looked very prim and out of place in his black clothes.

Poe flicked water at him and Luke rolled his eyes.

“I appreciate how clear the water is here,” Poe said, skimming his arms through it, turning in slow circles. “On Yavin you never knew what you were gonna bump into. Got my toes nibbled on a lot.”

“I was always sorry we didn’t get to spend more time there. Beautiful place.”

“During the war?”

“Yes, but after, too. Our visits always seemed too short.”

“I didn’t think you’d…”

Luke was watching Poe intently. “What, remember? I might be old but my memory’s not so bad as that.”

“No, not that. I didn’t think you’d care.”

“I liked your parents.” Luke paused. “But that’s not what you mean, is it?”

Poe was blushing and he couldn’t look at Luke anymore; he gazed up at the palace instead, the high walls and the shadows cast by the sun.

“I enjoyed spending time with you, Poe. You were bright.”

“I was a kid.” How embarrassing, to be this enraptured by a man who would always see you as a chubby toddler.

“Who grew up into a fine man.”

“Right,” Poe said, and tipped himself back until he was half-floating in the pool.

“What do you think I see? When I look at you?”

The question made Poe narrow his eyes. Was he cheating?

Luke seemed to sense Poe’s irritation. He said, “You’re very transparent, you know. I don’t need to go prying around in your head. I’m not good at it, anyway. Never much had the knack.”

“Mostly I think you don’t see me at all,” Poe said, and then ducked under the water, staying as long as he could hold his breath.

His lungs were burning when he came back up; he dragged his hands over his face and pushed his sopping hair back.

Then he realized he was nearly pressed into a shirtless Luke.

“What the hell?” he spluttered.

“Thought it would be easier to stop you avoiding me this way.” Luke’s beard was wet, droplets of water trickling down.

“Me? Avoiding _you_?”

“I thought you should know,” Luke said, his pervasive calmness slightly diminished by a faint redness in his cheeks. “I see you very clearly. The way you are now. Not the boy.”

“I…” Poe swallowed. “Uh, sure. Yeah, okay.”

“I hope you know I value you, and have since we first fought together.”

Oh. Of course. Poe wondered if this was worse, hope sinking like a lead ball. “I always tried my best.”

“I know.”

Meeting Luke’s eyes was too difficult; the disappointment was making him feel ill. He turned and went back to the edge, pulling himself onto the rocks and then flinging himself into the grass, drying his hair quickly with the towel before stuffing it behind his neck.

He looked up at the blue, blue sky, but that was terrible, too, because it reminded him of Luke’s eyes.

A splashing sound told him Luke was getting out. Poe couldn’t help the way his gaze tracked over to Luke, watching the water drip down his chest. His pants were soaked and clinging to his skin.

Poe laughed, startling Luke.

“Sorry, just… You could’ve taken your pants off.”

Luke’s blush was incredibly endearing. “Maybe you have to buy me dinner before I take that step.”

“We’re married, you know.”

“Yes,” Luke said, and sat beside Poe, dripping in the bright sunlight.

The silence was almost comfortable.

-

Poe answered an incoming transmission and was bombarded by the image of Karé immediately demanding, “Have you seen these?”

“Seen what?”

“Hang on.”

Poe’s datapad flooded with image and holovid files that Karé sent over. “I try not to look at my own press,” Poe said once he realized what she had sent, but he started flicking through them. A lot of it was from their afternoon with Mika, Poe lying with his head in Luke’s lap, the lightsaber lesson that looked extraordinarily intimate from the outside, the two of them laughing. There was a shot of them on the steps outside one of Theed’s universities, and then one of them sitting at the top of a waterfall.

“I don’t know what your point is,” he said to Karé.

“My point is, are you guys actually fucking now or what? Because I think I should’ve been the first person you told.”

“What? No!”

Her eyebrows knitted together in befuddlement. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m kriffing sure!”

“But--”

“Karé, we’ve been faking this for a couple months now. This isn’t new.”

“Look at your kriffing face, Poe. Look at the way he’s looking at you! Why the hell aren’t you fucking?”

Poe couldn’t make himself stop watching a holo of Luke stroking his fingers through Poe’s curls, over and over, while Poe made inappropriate lightsaber jokes. “Because it’s not real,” he whispered.

“Then you’re both lying to yourselves, and that’s really fucking sad.”

“I know you’re trying to help but you’re not helping. You already know how I feel.”

“Well, maybe you should tell Luke that instead of just feeling sorry for yourself and moping like a teenager.”

“And have him shoot me down, thus making our sham of a marriage even more awkward? I’ll pass, thanks.”

Karé blew out a breath, her frustration evident from light years away. “Look at those holos! Stars, Poe. You owe it to yourself to try. Unless you enjoy being miserable.”

“I’m not miserable,” Poe insisted. “I’m having a pleasant holiday, sleeping on the couch and taking cold showers when I can’t find the privacy to deal with inappropriate boners.”

“Kriffing hell,” Karé said, glaring at him. “Laserbrain.”

Poe blew a kiss at her and ended the transmission.

Then he watched a clip on repeat, the two of them in the city plaza, the wind ruffling Luke’s hair, Poe gazing at Luke’s profile like a besotted idiot.

Nothing had changed.

-

Poe had maybe drunk too much. He could admit this.

Luke helped him stumble into their suite, arm looped around Poe’s waist. Poe was reveling in the way he could lean into Luke without it being awkward; he needed the support, right? No one could begrudge a guy who was drunk off his ass a little helping hand.

Luke smelled really good. He always smelled so good. What was it?

“Thanks,” Luke said, chuckling faintly, and, oh. Poe must’ve said that out loud. “Leia bought it. I can’t even pronounce it or I’d tell you what the scent is.”

“I like it. Smells like you.”

“Well, I am wearing it. So I suppose that makes sense.”

Poe buried his face in Luke’s neck and inhaled. Luke shivered against him, his hand creeping up to the back of Poe’s neck. It felt significant; Luke so rarely touched him when they weren’t in public.

Then he moved, guiding Poe forward again.

Poe toppled face-first onto something soft: the bed. Oh, man, the bed.

Wait, the bed.

He rolled, blinking into Luke’s bemused face. “Couch.”

“It’s okay. You can lie here.”

When Luke started to move away, Poe grabbed for him, catching his sleeve. “Don’t leave.”

“Poe--”

“Please. Don’t leave me.”

For a long moment Luke just stood there; then he relented, climbing onto the bed and sitting up against the headboard. When Poe crept closer to him, wedging himself against Luke’s legs, Luke said, “You’re a clingy drunk.”

“Happy drunk.”

“Yes, and then very clingy. I should have been warned. I’m complaining to my sister.”

“Very sorry,” Poe mumbled, curling his arm around Luke’s thigh and closing his eyes.

Luke’s hand settled in Poe’s hair. It seemed a long time later, as Poe drifted into sleep, that Luke said softly, “I don’t mind.”

-

Mornings following drinking tended to be hit or miss with Poe; either he had a fucking massive hangover that made him want to swear off alcohol forever, or he felt great. There was no middle ground.

Happily, this morning seemed to be hangover-free. Less happily (well, in a manner of speaking), the lack of hangover meant he was quicker to realize that he was still cuddling Luke like the stuffed tauntaun he’d had as a kid. It was amazing, honestly. He was somewhat over-warm and sweaty where their bodies touched but he could cheerfully wake up like this forever; if this had been a real marriage, this _would_ be how he would wake up forever.

The other thing Poe was quicker to realize sans hangover was that he was having one of those inappropriate boners he had mentioned to Karé.

Fuck.

It was fine, though. Luke was sleeping, so probably Poe could extricate himself and Luke would never know. He could have a cold shower, or maybe a hot one and jerk off during it. Fine. All good. Problem solved.

They had shifted during the night, so that Luke was lying down on his belly, face turned away, and Poe was curled around him, pressed to his side. There was no way that Luke could fail to notice Poe’s hard-on if he were awake.

Which, Poe discovered as he started to move, Luke was.

Fuck fuck fuck.

Ignoring Luke’s inquiry as to his well-being, Poe shoved away from him so fast that he fell right off the other side of the bed. He crouched there, lamenting that he hadn’t even had the sense to try to pull the sheet down with him.

Luke peered over the edge of the bed at him. “All right?”

“I need to shower,” Poe said, and fled.

Cold shower. Definitely cold.

Maybe Luke would just think it was a routine morning erection, nothing to do with him.

Poe could hope.

Though he lingered as long as he dared, Poe couldn’t hide in the refresher forever. By the time he came out, Luke was on the floor, meditating.

Sensing Poe, Luke opened his eyes. Poe waited for the inevitable prying, or the joking about his condition.

Instead Luke said, “Do you feel okay? You had a lot to drink.”

“Fine. Yeah, fine, thanks. Sorry I, uh, invaded your privacy.”

“It’s okay.” Luke hesitated. “Actually I’d forgotten that it’s nice to wake up in a bed that isn’t empty.”

Poe arched an eyebrow. “Even when you’re being smothered?”

Shrugging one shoulder, Luke said, “Small sacrifice.”

A bit boggled, Poe said, “But you’re the one who insisted we sleep separately. You even suggested we get separate bedrooms!”

“I know. And that probably is for the best. All I’m saying is that you shouldn’t be embarrassed, because I wasn’t bothered.”

Right. The boner. Poe’s cheeks were flaming. “Well, don’t worry. I won’t not bother you again.”

“Poe--”

Poe grabbed his jacket and went out the door.

-

Poe missed _Black One,_ and he missed having her to work on when he was angling to avoid his emotions. Hanging out in a corner of the palace hangar wasn’t quite the same but at least it was something. He appreciated the familiar scents and the low hum of activity, a couple of droids running repairs. He wondered if he could ask to take a ship out for a quick flight to clear his head.

He knew when Luke found him by the sound of his footsteps; somehow that had become distinctive and recognizable to Poe. As Luke dropped down beside him, he caught the barest whiff of that scent he liked.

Kriff. He had actually shoved his face in against Luke’s neck to smell him.

Poe leaned his head back against the wall.

Luke said, “When I suggested sleeping apart, honestly I thought that was what you wanted.”

“You never asked me what I wanted.”

“I know. I’m sorry. I assumed… But clearly I was wrong. I’m not, uh… I was never that great at this.”

“Being married?”

“Yeah, that, too. First time and all. Steep learning curve.”

“It’s my first time, too,” Poe said, and Luke smiled at him.

“What do you want, Poe?”

Poe froze. Shit. How the hell was he supposed to answer that? _‘Honestly I’d be up for you fucking me against the nearest starfighter’?_

“I want what will make you happy,” Poe said, picking at his fingernails and staring at his hands so he wouldn’t have to look at Luke. “But I… I don’t really want to be roommates.”

“I know you didn’t ask for this,” Luke said, and his hand was on Poe’s knee, the light touch seeming to burn through Poe’s heavy pants. “When our holiday is over, it will be easier. If you’re with the Navy, I can… Well, I always have work. We’ll hardly see each other. It will be less like roommates and more long-distance. We can sell it. I’ll speak with Leia.”

A chill was settling in Poe’s bones and he met Luke’s eyes in horror. That wasn’t what he had meant at all; he’d made it _worse_ -

But Luke was already getting up, his expression a mask Poe couldn’t break through. “I’ll give you your privacy.”

Then he was gone, and Poe let his head bang against the wall with a _thud, thud, thud._

-

“Was it hard,” Poe asked his father later, his datapad propped against his knees, “to tell Mom how you felt about her?”

“Honestly it was harder to _not_ tell her,” Kes said. “I wanted to blurt it out every moment I was looking at her face but I thought I would scare her off.”

“So what made you finally tell her?”

“I was tired of pretending she meant less to me than she did.”

Poe rubbed the side of his face. “And it all worked out.”

“Yeah. Lucky for me.” Kes grinned. “And you.”

Unable to find any humor at the moment, Poe said, “But it doesn’t always. Work out, I mean.”

“It definitely doesn’t if you don’t try.”

“Yeah,” Poe said, and breathed out.

-

Luke was already in bed when Poe returned to their suite late in the evening, propped up with a holonovel. His eyes tracked Poe carefully but dropped back to his book.

Poe went into the refresher to clean up. He stared at himself in the mirror, clenching the countertop. He came back out and looked at the couch, then towards the bed.

He padded over to the bed and sat on the edge, on the far side from Luke. Luke was watching him again.

“I’m sorry I made things uncomfortable this morning,” Poe said. “And last night. I know we’re not really married. But I think maybe we should try to get used to this; we might not always get to pretend so easily. And… and… I know we’re not really married, and I made it awkward, but it felt nice waking up with you. So maybe we could try again. Maybe just tonight, even. If that’s okay.”

Poe’s face felt hot and he could feel Luke staring at him even if he couldn’t quite meet his eyes.

“I find I am constantly confused,” Luke said eventually, “but sure, Poe. If that’s what you want.”

“Is it what you want?” Poe blurted out.

“I’m… not opposed,” Luke said, and that wasn’t an answer but Poe wasn’t sure he was going to get another one.

So Poe crawled under the covers with his datapad while Luke went back to his holonovel on the other side of the bed. They lay separate and still and Poe was uncommonly conscious of Luke’s presence, but when he tired of looking at schematics he found he fell easily into sleep.

-

Poe was no longer on his side of the bed when he awoke. He had rolled into the middle and apparently so had Luke, because it felt an awful lot like Poe’s back was pressed against Luke’s.

It felt way too comfortable and when Luke shifted slightly it made his ass rub up against the backs of Poe’s thighs. He bit his lip and cursed himself, though he thought at least this morning he might actually be able to make it into the refresher without Luke noticing he had another inappropriate erection.

But when he moved, Luke rolled; he was, surprisingly, still asleep. It was the first morning on Naboo that he hadn’t risen before Poe, and one of the few mornings Poe wasn’t greeted by the sight of him in meditation.

No, actually, instead he was still asleep, and, as he turned, it became entirely evident that Poe wasn’t the only one with an inappropriate boner.

Poe nearly gasped aloud at the press of Luke’s erection to the backs of his legs, just below his ass. Kriffing hell.

Morning wood. No big deal. Happened to everyone.

Only Poe really, really, really wanted it to be about him, and he really, really, really wanted to roll over and make Luke do something about it.

It took all of his self-control, along with a constant reminder that this was a sham marriage, for Poe to slide out from Luke’s loose grip and get out of bed. He hesitated too long because Luke was blinking sleepily at him, waking up and looking far more endearingly attractive than was fair.

“Sorry,” he said, and fled again.

-

They ate with the queen at midday, the three of them and Queen Luna’s handmaidens at a private dining table in the palace. It wasn’t crowded, exactly, but the fit was tighter than it had been at their more formal dinners with the queen. Every time his fingers brushed Luke’s, or their elbows bumped, a jolt went through Poe, and Luke kept offering him tiny, shy smiles when their eyes met.

Poe wanted to lay him on the table and kiss him senseless but he didn’t think that would go over too well.

He was just so… confused. Was Luke actually into him or not? He was pushing the roommates thing, but he had agreed to the bed-sharing, and maybe his reaction in the morning _could_ have been genuinely about Poe, but then Poe could just be projecting and he didn’t know what the hell to do.

After they ate they went to one of the universities for more publicity, letting journalists with holocams film them and take pictures. It was a beautiful day, even for Naboo, warm and sunny, and Poe loved the way the sunlight caught in Luke’s hair. Poe had said something silly, some lame joke Karé would have smacked him for, but Luke was laughing, eyes crinkling up, and Poe was so fucking smitten.

He didn’t know what made him do it, momentary insanity perhaps, but his arm was already around Luke’s waist as they stood at the top of the steps and it was so easy to lean in and catch Luke’s mouth in a kiss. He knew they were being recorded but he didn’t care; Luke’s mouth was soft and his beard was a pleasant roughness against Poe’s skin. Luke stood there and didn’t move away, his hand pressing against Poe’s chest, and the kiss seemed to last impossibly long before Poe drew back, blinking into Luke’s blue, blue eyes.

“Gorgeous,” one of the journalists said, and Poe remembered to be embarrassed.

He smiled uncomfortably and stepped back slightly, Luke’s gaze burning through him.

-

“I’ve made a mistake,” Poe said in the evening as he hid in one of the palace’s many sitting rooms, avoiding Luke.

Rey and Finn’s faces crowded together on the screen. “Thought we already agreed you shouldn’t have said yes to this,” Rey pointed out.

“No, I mean… Kriff. I’m really fucking in love with him. And I keep making it worse.”

They exchanged silent glances, clearly communicating without words. Poe could imagine they were saying, _We told this idiot, didn’t we?_

“I don’t know,” Finn said. “Seems like you’ve got a pretty easy choice.”

“I do?”

“You do something about it, so maybe you can be happy, or you make yourself miserable in a marriage you shouldn’t have agreed to in the first place.”

Poe sat speechless for several long seconds. “Okay. Okay, so let’s say I tell him. Then when Luke tells me he did this for his sister, and the galaxy, and he looks at me and sees the little boy he met on Yavin Four, then what? Then we’re worse off, because now we can’t pretend, and we still have to go through with this. For the rest of our lives.”

“If you really thought there was no chance, I don’t think we’d be having this conversation.”

“How do you figure that?”

Rey sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “We’ve seen you on the holonet, Poe. Master Luke is not that good an actor.”

“And neither are you,” Finn added. “Commander Skywalker has certainly noticed.”

“I think he’s noticed a lot,” Poe said into his hands, hiding his face a moment.

“I don’t think you can get much worse off,” Rey said. “So stop being such a coward.”

“You know, you guys could be nicer,” Poe said, glaring at them. “More supportive.”

“No, we couldn’t.”

“This is what you’re stuck with,” Finn agreed with good cheer. “So go tell Commander Skywalker you want to fuck him. You can do it.”

“We believe in you!” Rey’s grin was positively evil. “There, see how nice we are?”

“You guys are terrible,” Poe said, and ended the transmission.

He sat there with his arms looped around his knees and considered.

It was possible, he supposed. Sometimes he did think… But he was sure that had to be wishful thinking. Luke had suggested they be like _roommates._

Of course, Luke had also said that he thought he was doing what Poe wanted. Because he thought Poe had been chained to him, that Poe could never want this. Luke was clearly an idiot.

Then again, Poe knew he was an idiot, too, and if he didn’t he was certain all his friends would take great pleasure in telling him so.

It couldn’t actually get much worse, honestly. How could things get more awkward than they already were? Poe fleeing the room, jerking off in private, instigating kisses in front of holorecorders? If Luke actually said the words, _I don’t think of you like that, I don’t want to,_ all it would do was squash the tiny flicker of hope Poe was clinging to.

Surely that would actually be better. Because then he would know, and they could continue on in truth.

 _Take a lover._ Kriff.

 _Don’t be a coward,_ Poe told himself, and walked back to their suite before he could change his mind.

“I was thinking of looking for you,” Luke said as Poe came in, appearing to be faintly startled as he stood near the couch.

There was a very large chance Poe would lose his nerve so he didn’t give himself the time to. He said, “When I said I didn’t want to be roommates, what I meant was that I wanted to make this a real marriage. I wanted to try. Because I… I kind of love you, I think.”

Luke blinked, his habitual calm somewhat fractured, his lips parted as his breathing quickened. “What?”

Once Poe started, the words wouldn’t stop. “You were my hero, and I wanted to marry you, because you were brilliant and handsome and when I said that lots of people had your face pinned to their bedroom walls, I meant me, I did. I used to take it down whenever you visited because I was too embarrassed and I didn’t want you to see. And I grew up, and I knew you were totally out of reach, and that was fine, but then we fought together, and you were so… More than I could have imagined, and you treated me like I was important and worthwhile, and I liked your dumb sense of humor and how you didn’t believe in any of the things people said about you. And being married to you has been like torture because it was a game, and I was supposed to be pretending, but I was never pretending, not for a second, and all I want to do is hold you for real and kiss you for real and go to sleep next to you and wake up next to you and maybe fuck you in a starfighter.”

Then Poe took a breath, watching Luke stare wide-eyed at him. “Kriff. Sorry. I mean, that was true. Even the fucking part. Especially the fucking part. But sorry.”

“If you mean the Naboo starfighters,” Luke said after a pause, voice a little rough, “the cockpits are too small.”

They stared at each other. Poe said, “Seriously? That’s what you’re gonna comment on?”

“I’m not sure what you want me to say.”

“Maybe you could tell me if I’m way out of line? Or not. I’m hoping not.”

Luke’s focus kept flickering between Poe’s face and the wall behind him. “I’m not who you think I am, Poe. I’m… I’m old, and I’ve made mistakes, and I--”

“Did you miss the part where I said I love you?”

“No,” Luke said, very quietly, his cheeks flushing.

“Comm-- Luke. I don’t care what’s said about you, or what you think is true. I only care about the person I know, and please don’t insult me by saying I don’t know my own mind, or my own heart.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“No,” Poe said, anger flaring up. “You just mean that I can’t possibly love you and I must be thinking of someone else, someone who doesn’t exist, some ideal in my head, right?”

“I mean,” Luke said, holding himself so still, “that you’re very young.”

“I’m not very young! I’m thirty-five! Stop acting like I’m still that kid on Yavin Four!”

Luke turned and moved to the wall, bracing his hand against it, head bowed, shoulders slumped. He seemed very weary in that moment and Poe regretted that he had prompted it.

But he couldn’t regret saying what he meant.

“Please,” Poe said, stepping to meet Luke, his fingertips hovering just at the back of Luke’s shoulder. “If nothing can ever happen because you can never care about me like that, just tell me. Please. Then I’ll know. I won’t push you again.”

“Do you have any idea?” Luke murmured, still facing away.

“Not until you tell me,” Poe said, that cruel twist of hope flaring up.

Turning around until their faces were torturously close, Luke said, “Do you know how difficult it’s been? Pretending? With you there, looking like that, and acting like… And I wanted to believe it was true, but you didn’t do this for me. You did it because you thought you had to. And you’re just… young, and cheerful, and incredibly handsy, blast, do you have to be so handsy?”

“I… Yes? No?”

“And I’d dream of you, but that was wrong, and inappropriate, but then you’d be there when I woke up, asleep, and so beautiful, and hell if I didn’t want you. Why do you think I’ve spent so much time in meditation?”

That hope was coiling up with confusion and want and surprise and Poe couldn’t… “Wait. Have you been meditating away your boners?”

“Of course not.” Luke was a shade of red that Poe hadn’t known was possible. “Yes. Maybe.”

“Damn, and there I was using cold water.”

“And making jokes,” Luke said, pushing away and going to sit heavily on the couch.

This wasn’t going right. “I do make jokes,” Poe agreed, “because mostly that’s how I deal with the stuff that’s hard to think about, or talk about. But I also just told you that I love you, and I’m pretty sure even you can’t pretend you didn’t notice me waking up hard next to you.”

“I might have noticed.”

“I’m not asking you to love me,” Poe said, climbing over Luke’s hips and straddling him. He didn’t miss the way Luke’s hands immediately settled loosely on his waist, like they belonged there. “I’m just asking you to give me a chance. We’re married either way; I just think it would be easier if we made an effort.”

Luke’s blue, blue eyes fixed on the hollow of Poe’s throat, then his lips, then his eyes.”You threw away your life for this.”

“Doesn’t feel like I did right now.” Poe dragged his hands down through Luke’s hair, cupping his neck and rubbing his thumbs against Luke’s skin. “This isn’t where I expected my life to go, but I really do care about you, so much, and I… I want to kiss you for real, even if it’s only once. Can I do that? Please?”

“You think I haven’t wanted-- Kriffing hell,” Luke said, sliding one hand into Poe’s hair so he could yank him closer.

Luke’s mouth opened under his and Poe melted into it; it was better than he could have dreamed. He had kissed Luke before but he had never let himself… It had always been for show, and even if Poe hadn’t been pretending he had told himself that’s what it was, a game, that meant nothing, a performance for an audience. But this was only them, it was only Luke’s mouth sliding against his, hot and wet, the graze of his teeth, the press of his tongue, the scratch of his beard.

“Damn,” Poe said, breathing heavily into Luke’s face, fingers curled in his hair. Luke’s hands had crept down lower, resting on his ass, and Poe wanted so, so desperately to grind down, to have him, to…

But slow, easy, first steps. He could do this. Maybe he could have this.

“I could maybe love you,” Luke whispered. “I could try. I don’t know if I… But I can try. I meant it, when I said I cared about you, and you’re… fuck, you’re beautiful, and I’ve wanted you, and if this is what you really want, if you don’t mind that I’m… I’m not who I was, when little kids had my face pinned to their bedroom walls.”

Poe kissed the side of Luke’s face and Luke squeezed his arms around Poe’s waist. There were a lot of things he could say, about how he had never minded, or about how many times he had imagined being able to do this, to kiss Luke, to hold him, to love him, to be loved by him. About how much he wanted this marriage, that they had both entered into for reasons far beyond the two of them, to work.

But he didn’t think he could articulate any of what was in his head into actual sensical words, and he didn’t think he could communicate it any better to Luke than he could by just being here, like this.

Both of them were different now, and they would be different tomorrow, but now Poe knew that maybe that was something they could do together, for real.

They sat quietly and Poe’s thighs were starting to cramp but he didn’t feel like moving. Luke’s hand was stroking over Poe’s spine, up and down, up and down, and he smelled so, so good.

“Hey,” Poe said, nuzzling into Luke’s neck, “when you said the cockpits of Naboo starfighters are too small for fucking, do you know that from experience?”

Luke’s laugh was the most amazing sound Poe had ever heard.


End file.
